Inspiration, Part One

I want to be a force of change. I want to inspire and be inspired. I want to follow what is in my heart, not what is popular opinion. Most of all, I want to do what is right.

These past few weeks have been interesting for me. I can feel something stirring inside me, but I haven't been quite sure what it is. It started on April 25th. As most of you know, on that day I, along with thousands of other people around the US went silent for 25 hours to bring an end to 25 years of war in Eastern Africa (InvisibleChildren.com/25). During the time I was silent, it gave me a chance to really think about not only what I believe, but how I want to put those beliefs into action. I wasn't really sure how to morph all of the feeling that had been floating around inside my heart into thoughts, sentences and actions, but it was a start.


Then came April 28th. I attended this exhibit, Streets of Afghanistan (www.mountain2mountain.org), and it totally rocked my world. I spent 45 minutes with one of the Emmy-winning photographers, Tony Di Zinnio, and learned more in the 45 minutes about myself and the world that I live in than I have all year sitting in class. I realized that as much as I hate to admit it, I still have so many stereotypes about other countries. I've always pictured Afghanistan as some big, bad place with nothing but war and dirt. I was so incredibly wrong. I forgot that the people there have stories to share too. I'm working on an article right now about the exhibit and the people I have talked to since the exhibit, so I'll just post that later instead of going into more detail.

Tony and I not only talked about modern-day Afghanistan, but also about my future. He has a job right now that I would kill for. He gets to go around the world, capture some of the most intimate, yet everyday  interactions occurring between people in countries that most of the world doesn't understand, and then bring them back to change misconceptions. I told him about my admiration of Nicholas Kristof and my passion for Invisible Children, and he gave me some great advice. He told me to write a letter to Kristof as soon as I got home about how he inspires me to become a better writer as well as a better person:

"That practice of sending that out into the world, whether or not he writes back-- he could be a glorious bastard, I have no idea, but if he is a decent human being, as you might suspect, he might see something of himself in you. In that case, he might respond. Whatever he responds will be a great reward for you. But the practice of putting your thoughts down onto paper is more important than whatever happens because you are recognizing that something that is true and wonderful and beautiful and you are externalizing it outside of your internal experience and you're saying, 'you know, he’s really doing something that I want to do, and one day I will follow in his footsteps.' That becomes your mantra. By putting it out, it means you inform yourself to move towards those things. The recognition of it only bolsters your confidence."

We talked about seeing the world:

"You have to go and be a stranger in a strange land and see for yourself and acquire humility. That’s a really excellent prescription to broaden your horizons and see what the world’s really like, as opposed to simply accepting the things that you are fed through the media. So, as a potential journalist, you have to consider that first person authority with which you define an experience. You could go do all the research and get a PhD and become an expert on the place, but until you've been there and seen it for yourself, there’s something missing between theory and practice and you just need to go there and see for yourself. So now you know everything I know."

He also told to me to relax. I hear that all the time from everyone since I am always "on," but he actually gave some good reasons. I'm a worrier, and I am constantly worrying about what I will do after high school, which is stupid considering I still have 3 more years to go. Instead of always freaking out, he told me, I should forget about all of the worries and judgments that I let hold me back. I should replace those bonds with the concious effort to pour every bit of my heart and soul into the things I love. Forget about all of the expectations that I feel people holding me up too, forget everyone's opinion about my actions, and forget all of my excuses of why I don't have time. Just do it.


Thanks, Tony. 

     

   

Let's Try This Again

Oh jeez. So much for keeping up my blog. So, I'm going to try this again.

So many scary, exhilarating, fulfilling things have been going on in my life, and I feel like I need a place to sort them all out. Here it goes, from August to this very second! Forgive me if I ramble.

As you know, in August I started my freshman year of high school. I was scared to death of so many things. I was leaving my safety net: all of the people I loved and hated and leaned on, all of the memories and lessons that had molded me, and all of the paraphernalia, both good and bad, that comes along with a class of only 78. I was leaping from one black and white, accustomed world to a land that was completely foreign to me. There were so many people that had impacted me in ways that I never thought possible. I felt that by leaving them, I was leaving a part of myself, too. I was one of those people who didn't just like being around people: I needed to be around them. I was so scared of being alone. Relationships were rocky at times, but I would't have traded them for anything. Things were just starting to fall into place. I knew where I stood, and where I stood felt pretty solid. I knew what I wanted. I knew what others wanted. And for the most part, both of those wants were pretty compatible.

Then summer came. Quickly, things started unraveling. Right from the start, a certain love-hate relationship was put in the spotlight, and hate prevailed. I shoved away someone who had meant so much to me and although it felt necessary at the time, I have regrets. My church life was disintegrating before my eyes as the people who had guided me through middle school left to start a life of their own in college. All of the plans I had made were overwritten. As I soaked up the last few rays of summer, I spent hours with my best friend plotting and planning and and trying to predict what high school would be like and how people we hadn't seen in three years had changed.      

Every single expectation that I had was completely off, and at the time I was devastated. I had some wack-job notion that high school would be just like on TV. Stupid, right? I expected so many things, and being the baby I am, I was ready to transfer schools within the first two months. I missed my friends, I felt like I came from a different "world" than everybody there, and I wanted something more. What that something was, however, I am not sure.

I ended up sticking it out, and things got better. I started to realize that I was a lot stronger than I thought I was, and I could get through at least a year. I started doing other things and going after what I was passionate about instead of moping around. I discovered that my high school had an Invisible Children club. I had remembered seeing the Rough Cut a few years back and for the first time I saw that although the would could at times be an awful, dark abyss, there was something I could do to shine some light. I went to the next meeting at Legacy and fell in love. I had finally found a place where there were people who were just as passionate about making a difference as I was, and they were going to do everything in their power to bring about change. Our club ended up winning our regions Schools for Schools competition with Invisible Children for Gulu High School in Uganda, raising just under $16,000. Shortly after that, I was asked to become part of the club leadership, and I just found out that I will be going to San Diego this summer for the Invisible Children Summer Summit. I've been super giddy ever since hearing the news, and I yearn for August to come already!!

Like I said in my last post, I was devastated when I applied for Student Government for my Freshman year and didn't get in. I almost didn't have the motivation to apply again, but decided to give it one more go. I didn't want to get my hopes up in case last year were to repeat. I was sure that I wasn't going to get in, that I wasn't good enough. I was absolutely thrilled to learn last week that the second time around, I was in.

Lately I've been feeling things start to change. I've become more independent and realized that I am fine on my own, because in the long run, I am the only one who will be there for me. I am no longer scared of my future. I firmly believe that things happen for a reason, and I am ready to go where ever God takes me. I'm not longer the prude one who always says no to everything. I taken risks these past few months, and those risks have become some of my favorite moments.

I feel like I was put there for a reason. The things I see everyday on the news, in the hallways at school, and on the streets break my heart. We were not put on this planet to destroy dreams, shatter hopes, break down carefully constructed confidence or foster the spread of inferiority. I will never understand how some many people willingly act so ugly to one another. I know I can not change the world, but I can change myself. I can change the way I interact with people, and maybe, if I'm lucky, this change could spread.

I do not think anyone is inherently evil. Everyone has a background, a tapestry of how they've become who they are. It is our job to understand each thread of moments before we judge the entire picture. With a little understanding, I've come to see, the world really isn't so bad of a place to be.  

Haha, I feel like such a Debbie Downer right now! Sorry, guys. The next post will be happier, I promise :)